She is always alone when I walk in, and always facing the windows, looking out without wearing her glasses, seeing the world, but not in focus.For now that makes sense to me, even though I don’t wear glasses, I can’t see clearly either.Today marks a month since I brought her to the emergency room for a sore throat, and today the weight is heavier than ever.
For my mother, I cannot imagine how high the wall must seem, she must bring her 59 year old body from the sickest its ever been, through liquid death pumping through her veins, then learn to walk with strength again, and come out of this alive.
The highest, steepest mountain she has ever climbed, and the care of doctors is her rope.
I know I am not alone, others have fought this, beat this, and some of them I have known.
Since the second the doctor told us the diagnosis, since the second he spoke the words, I have felt a weight growing heavier on my shoulders each second that passes.
I am trying to find an outlet to release what I feel, but as many times as I sit down to write this, I lose my concentration and don’t bother to save what I have written.